I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
