Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
im having a threesome with these popsicles
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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