There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
