The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I AM VODKA MAN
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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