You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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