but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
