there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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