If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
