Nicole vs. Life
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
