none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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