I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
