and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
