i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
