Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize