The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
