I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Sorry my hands just texted you
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
