I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
