i love accidental penises.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
