What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She told me I should be a condom model.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
