He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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