Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize