My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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