Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
