Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
