Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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