Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
