Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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