is your mom at the bar?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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