Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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