This dress was meant to end up on your floor
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
