How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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