My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
