it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
