Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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