Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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