Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
