I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
