I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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