All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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