Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Randomize