she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
