Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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