with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
