New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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