put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
