I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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