Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize