i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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