So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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