I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
