If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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