So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
jump out the window naked night went bad
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