I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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