Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
