Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
