You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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