I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
