FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
