he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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