There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
