Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
