last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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