puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
