hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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