therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
