fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
