i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
