You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
