ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
