i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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