he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
