toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
