I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
