epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
