i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I wear drunk well.
Randomize