there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
