whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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