We're facebook friends in real life
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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