Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
