she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
