I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
there is glitter all over my balls
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
