I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
