In the future we'll all be gay
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
