i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
