Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
