other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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