We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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