we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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