The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
