I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
