I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
