I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
should my penis look like a turkey
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
