I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
