it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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